We're coming to the end of the 3rd week in our homeschool adventure. I have to say "Praise God", because I'm exhausted. My home feels neglected, along with the twins. I'm not quite myself lately, pulled in so many directions. On top of our insane school schedule, therapy schedule, and everyday home duties, I gave in to teaching Sunday School - a most terrible decision since I don't have time to think! Boundaries.....if I had time, I should do a word study. I seem to be losing definitions of important words by the minute!

My Joy has not transitioned into a school schedule well. She still wakes up each morning afraid she will be going to public school again. After 4 to 5 minutes of reassuring her that her classroom is right outside her bedroom, and "yes, Mommy is your teacher now", she begins her regular morning battle of refusing to go potty. I admit, I struggle to keep her on a schedule. I know the necessity, I just don't always have the energy to fight with her and keep her on task. I've not found the balance yet of direct instruction and play she desperately needs.

I battle within with just giving up. After all, I did send her to school at the tender age of 3, about 1 year old for Joy. Oh, if I could turn back time! I'd let her play and play and play to her heart's content. I sometimes wonder if all her sensory issues are not a direct result of my poor decisions. I have always wanted the best for my children. I hope I haven't pushed her too far.

She had an amazing day on Tuesday. While reading to her from a storybook without illustrations, she pointed out the words, "Daddy", "pink", and "baby". I sat astounded! She proceeded through the rest of her morning acting as a regular 5 year old. She seemed to comprehend "3", which was nothing short of a miracle since she doesn't seem to comprehend "1" or "2". She had a stellar performance in PT, and was a rock star in Speech. She read over 20 three letter words! You'd think this would encourage my spirit. But, I know my girl well enough to know what the side effects are of these "stellar" performances. For the past 48 hours I've been paying royally with extreme temper tantrums and meltdowns. I want to focus on the positive, the light....the darkness is just so hard and I seem to take it so personally. I pray she will be herself again soon. I miss her terribly.