Silence

I have been silent for so long, I almost don't know where to start. As a child, I was taught if I didn't have something nice to say, I should keep my precious mouth shut! I suppose I haven't had nice words to say. I praise my precious Jesus, He has been my constant companion as I've traveled through the past few months. I chose to share my feelings and un-nice words with Him. And, as He promised, He listened, and in His timing, is healing. I have grown more spiritually in the past 6 months than I have in my entire Christian walk. I am in awe and astounded at His love, patience, and care. He loves me - not because I am a good teacher, not because I keep my house in order, not because I work out every day, not because I obey Him. He loves me - not because I'm beautiful, not because I have a heart for orphans, not because I will work tirelessly to get the job done, not because I have lived up to expectations. He loves me - not because I'm a good mother, not because I'm a good wife, not because I'm a good daughter/sister, not because I'm the best friend. He just loves me, and for the first time I have allowed His love to fill all my hollow places. (Psalm 66:20, Psalm 51:12, Psalm 34:18, Psalm 139:17-18)

So...in a sense, I have been hiding away in my secret place (Psalm 31:20, Psalm 32:7). I'm ready to poke my head out again, but I admit, I'm really not ready to leave.

As usual, Meekia Joy never ceases to amaze me. We are in our 8th week of school and she is doing fabulous. Her enthusiasm for school is addictive. I think we all love school more because of her deep desire to learn. I find myself often, at 8 o'clock in the evening, promising her that we will have school again tomorrow morning-but for now, Mommy needs a break. What an exciting problem to have! Staying on her schedule is of utmost importance to Joy. She has it memorized, and is not easily persuaded to change. She loves the security of her world at home. She is truly thriving.

God has answered prayers in an amazing way...

For the first time in a long while, I feel I have a colleague and true friend on this homeschooling journey. What a blessed gift from God. I spied on, with tear-filled eyes, Joy and my friend's little one holding hands walking down the hallway at Awana. I cherish the embracement of another family. It's more rewarding than walking this path alone.

We also have a friend and new helper weekly. I am in awe of His choice, and am deeply grateful. I am ashamed, I had lost hope that things would ever change. How silly of me to put God in a box! I have traveled to the place I never wanted to go, survived, and now have the ability to fully appreciate the sacrifice she is making to spend time serving my precious little ones, along with me. Tears are streaming down my cheeks. There are really no words adequate to express my gratitude.

God is good (Psalm 100:5). He is unchanging (Mal. 3:6). I praise Him, I am changeable and worthy of His time and attention as I grow.